It seems once a month I get the urge to write

I have short hair, so recognize

At least write publicly. I like to write e-mails. I think I’d write letters if my penmanship was better (and I had someone to write to). I never really fashioned myself a writer. Sure, I wrote in High School, but who didn’t? Nothing I wrote was particularly memorable or meaningful, and so in my past it will stay. Today I am a reader, not really a writer. I don’t think you can be a writer without also being a reader, but being a reader requires no extra effort. Of course, writing after you read is a great way to sort out your thoughts and gleam some deeper meaning from the literary work. I don’t write enough in that respect. I don’t write for me, and maybe that is where I fall short. I write for others, like I do so many things for others. What do I do for me?

Which truly is an appropriate question (insert :, ;, or , accordingly) what do I do solely for me? Solely for my personal edification? I think I use big words, or if not big, at least words packed with meaning. I use proper spelling and, to the best of my ability, grammar. I try to keep up to date with current events so I don’t feel left out. I watch TV, not real on-right-this-second TV, but TV shows. Like CSI. I try to escape.

I’d like to be a writer. I’d like to give back, make my mark, open myself up to criticism and improve. Take a chance to suck royally. But I don’t, or at least I haven’t so far. Maybe I’ll sit down this weekend and write something. Saying this just gives me something else to avoid. I try my hardest to avoid the things I have to do. I’m just setting myself up for failure. Maybe writing isn’t something you can schedule, you just have to let it happen when the feeling comes to you. I haven’t felt that feeling in years.

And all of a sudden the urge to write here has left me. I should have told a story, stayed in the moment, but that all encompassing buzz is gone from my head, and anything I write now will be littered with poorly chosen words and….I lost my train of thought. I’ll meet you all back at the station, hopefully the next train pulls in soon. I don’t care where to, I just need to be on one.

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