Spring Break

I went to London for spring break to visit my friends who are studying abroad. It was a great time, and I’ll edit this when I have the time to jot down everything we did before it fades away. I’ll also have lots of fun photos to post up, hopefully.

I read Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance over the break as well. It’s still digesting and I’ll have to write something up about it when I feel more calm.

In related news, my last post wasn’t exactly accurate. Turns out I don’t care if a person gets piercings or tattoos only if I don’t care about the person. Why I don’t like them, I’m not sure. It’s still something I’m trying to figure out but it isn’t really fair to just blanketly hate them. Is it because I’m secretly obsessed with the way people look and not who they are? Does what other people think about them matter that much to me? Why can’t I just be happy for people that do what they want to their bodies?

In any case I feel furious inside. Irrationally furious. This also needs digestion so I’ll get back to this later too. Maybe I should just go live with the Amish. Maybe I’d be happier.

Edit:

After some thought, and re-reading some things, and just thinking about it some more I’m less angry. It’s a good thing that I didn’t lash out or even talk to the person when I was angry. I’ve always misunderstood the advice not to act in anger and to instead step back and cool off to really mean don’t get angry. Not getting angry isn’t really an option so I usually just ignore the advice and say something stupid.

With this person, more often than not I’ll be angry at them and they’ll be upset: not a good combo. I feel the need to comfort them, but it’s hard to be earnestly comforting when you’re angry at them. It also doesn’t help that they don’t want to be comforted by me.

I’m pretty convinced they don’t want anything to do with me. I don’t know if they’d be upset or bothered if I never spoke to them again. They certainly wouldn’t speak to me first. I think that’s a big source of all my anger: that I mean nothing to them. Maybe it shouldn’t bother me as much as it does but I keep waiting for my feelings for them to pass and they just keep going. I still miss her.

It’s hard to accept. I realize I sound completely emo about all this. It isn’t as bad as I make it out to be and really I don’t know why I’m so hung up over her. Part of my anger comes from that too.

Hopefully I’ll stop thinking about her soon and move on.

“Anger always comes from frustrated expectations”
~ Elliott Larson

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